November Rain

Well, am sitting at my window trying to drain it all out. It was all rosy, everything was picture perfect. It all looked good, and I believed things always get better. You never know which phase of your life is the best till it’s gone, far far behind you and you can’t even run back and have what you had. It’s gone.

Images constantly flash my head, they occupy it all the time. Am lost, trying to find a part of them in my life, none of them remains.

Love is a weird thing, a wicked thing. As long as you don’t love love it’ll love you. As soon as you start embracing it, it leaves you. A faker is better than the real one. A faker succeeds.

I don’t like the way it is. I fell in love with something else, not this. This is just anything. I guess am not good enough. Years of making myself into a good person, am like an ordinary thing. Well love isn’t what makes people fall in love, love isn’t something what people make love you, it’s your pedigree, your virtues, your capabilities, it’s just not love. Love can do nothing, they tell you, it’s just a useless wasteful commodity. The more you do, the lesser it gets. The more you do, the lesser you get. The more you do, the smaller you get.

I am....

I live in fantasies.
I live in dreams.
Am d dark,
am d ugly,
am the smoke,it's there.it's no more.
I shall live some day.
Maybe a lore,nothing more.

Yellow

You’re on top of the world one moment, walking the moon and the next moment there’s the fall. An agonizing pain, unbearable, bit exaggerated, but unbearable all along. Pricking you, even the numbness won’t work. You can’t stop it, you cannot neutralize it,all you do is wish it subsides. It’s this prick you get when u wait, wait for something good, when it’s supposed to reach you but it doesn’t. It sets an amazement in your bones first, then it stuns you, you analyze the wait, then your head and heart analyzes it differently, like they are two separate entities ,and then they wrestle amongst themselves ,'coz heart’s knows no reason, all it does is trust and nothing else, and head knows no trust, it wants reasons. And then the epic battle rages between the head and the heart. Exhausted to your bones, you feel like shutting them both up but you cannot, you cant sleep coz you are still waiting, and that battle drains out everything you have in your soul. And in case you do lose your soul, it takes nothing less than a miracle to regain it. Finally when the battle ends,leaves you feeling dry, hollow, you know it’s all fake, coz heart never wins, head’s got a way to win things, it is manipulative. It paves a nice way out for heart to believe into things , things it wants the heart to believe…and then you start having your doubts, your insecurities.

Life would have been so much easier had it all been just heart or just head. And probably a heart for all could have been one of the best things ever to have happened to mankind.

Switch off your head for a while, forget all the reasons and let your heart take on.

The heart knows the solution to all your problems, all your worries. It knows the way out of your doubts. The first response you get is the most apt, the most appropriate one. And if you think more deeply, the solution loses its worth, your head would pollute you with its logics and beliefs. Belief is something you can remain in but u cannot grow in. Your heart would swell up with love, uYou won’t feel anything but gratitude towards all things beautiful, even the ugly. Nothing could then prevent a simper on your face. You would be elated on the inside as well as the outside. Everything soothes out and you feel like drenched by a rain, something pure. The sensation is for a very short lived but it is worth every little effort you put in it to achieve it.

My idiosyncrasy

Some people are given the right to love, some are devoid of it. Some people are given the right to be good. Some people are disliked for it. Why such a hate then, why hate the sinners? Everyone is correct in his/her own logic bubble. What if doesn’t coincide with your own? Maybe you are the sinner, maybe you’re incorrect. Nothing in the world is good or bad, it’s all relative. Who defined the absolute terms? Lord didn’t. Probably us humans did, for their own suited comforts, complying with the majority, for existence in this social circus.

Whenever we judge someone, we are judging ourselves. All things we seem at loss with, within ourselves, all the weaknesses we’ve known. We judge people on a scale set by ourselves, our beliefs, our faults. So it’s better to judge the scales well. Ur opinions about the world reflect nothing but ur own self. Whatever is wrong with the world outside is actually wrong within yourself.

We all have two sides to ourselves, the good and the bad. It depends which one we feed, which one the world makes us feed. It’s hard to survive with your own principles and rules. Am still in a dilemma if am living it right. Life fucks everybody, spares no one.And if fate doesn’t make u laugh, then u just don’t get the joke.

Sometimes someone else being misunderstood, some else being confused, fucks up your damned life too.

Each one of us tends to sadness. The most easily attainable state. If we can sustain it, we can sustain anything. Something like the lowest energy state. There’s a satisfaction, a security in sadness. No one can take it away from you, unless you want it to. It’s your own.

Life comes in circles. Something like, "I’ve had it before, am having it again. I thought it would’ve tasted different, but it tastes all the same". It’s funny how everyone keeps searching for something, some people call it love, some people the truth, some go overboard saying they’re searching God .And then each of them dies knowing nothing, having nothing. Probably the biggest truth is that there is no truth.

The biggest irony of life is we haven’t ever seen ourselves. All that we’ve seen is a mere reflection. How I wish I could see my face like I see everyone else’s.

Pity is one part of love that asks for nothing in return and because of that, every act of pity is a kind of prayer. Something like God Bless You! Something we hear all the time. It shouldn’t be overused I guess, it takes your belief off Him.